Ants

Today I saw an ant fall off a counter and survive. I wondered how that ant could have fallen off the counter. Did he misjudge the distance to the edge? Was he walking around with his eyes closed for fun (because I know I do that sometimes)? Was he attempting to commit suicide because he just couldn't reconcile his lonely ant existence? This occurrence got me thinking about whether or not I am smarter than an ant. The following are my findings:

Ants are probably smarter than me because:

• They can fall off counters and live to tell their friends. But Courtney, falling off a counter is no biggie, I do it all the time when I stand on the counter to reach the vodka cookie jar, you say? Why, yes, Timmy. Falling off the counter usually does not equal death for a human; however, falling off of the Empire State Building would most certainly equal death (just ask that kid from Yale - too soon?) and given the size ratio of ants to humans, that is what an ant falling off a counter equates to.
• They can lift 50 times their weight.
• They are able to avoid death from 12 billion shoes on a daily basis.

I realized that I can do none of these things and thus, was very sad that I am probably not smarter than an ant.

I spent a few minutes debating whether or not I even needed to continue working that day or if my efforts were futile because I was so dumb an ant could do my job when, all of a sudden I had a thought that caused joy to radiate from my ears. I can read! I can do math (sometimes)! I have the ability to make money and ants can't do any of those things. I am smarter than an ant! Hooray! As I was preparing to rid myself of this thought bubble, I had one last realization. All of the things that ants are great at really have nothing to do with intelligence but rather survival. So, what? So, ants are better at survival and I am smarter, I still win. Of course, the more I think about it, the greater survival becomes in comparison to intelligence.

See, life goes like this: intelligence > retarded, hot > intelligence, survival > hot, survival >>> intelligence.

Touch ė ant, touch ė.